Well.....been 7 days with no slip ups. 6 days with no pain meds at all. So how do I feel? Ya know, it is kinda a funny thing. I feel like my mind is sooooo much clearer, but I am noticing where I have the physical pain. Trying to learn my limitations, my where I need to stop before I have hit the too much button. I hate pain. I am not a whimp per se, just rather not feel things like this in my body! But I went to church today, no chair. I went with a cane....like a weeble that wobbles but luckily it is a big church so there is either a wall or a person right there to grab if I wobble to far. I kinda felt good too because katelyn gave me the greatest compliment. She said, "Mom you look beautiful! you have not dressed like that in a long time!". Wow! I did not know what to think, I mean I still had my orthotics on and everything, but I made the best of the situation and decided to care how I look and present myself.
You see, it started with transforming my heart inside. I had to realize that I could be beautiful still. I am not talking about the modern society barbie doll beautiful. I am talking about beautiful inside the heart. I have held inside for so long so many different feelings and now they are all letting go. I am still fragile you could say, cry easy but ya know for the first time in a long time I am starting to believe that I really will be okay. I have not been able to say that for a long time. I am starting to allow friends back in my world, to realize that to love others properly, you have to care about who you are and yes, love yourself but not to the point of the conceited love, I am talking the loving who I am because of the fact I am a child of God. I am even finding the singing voice I had buried deep inside...that melody that comes from deep within....a gift God gave me.
I know I will have good and bad days. The more I do, the more pain I have. But, I have to live. Even when the Pats don't win the superbowl. Sigh. LOL.
Today is day 8....and I am in so much pain physically, but mentally I am good. So my plans to bake may be on hold as typing is even painful, and I have IOP later, but I am taking it one day at time, one moment at a time. Why worry when you do not need to?
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