Conquoring my Goliath

What do you do when you feel like David and there is a huge Goliath or giant ahead of you and the road is so long? The mountain so high!!  I sought you Lord in my tears and in my breaking. Lord it sometimes takes a "breaking" to sometimes be able to face that Goliath or mountain. Sometimes, it even takes the precious hand of a friend just saying, I will be there for you, but it is time to face what you have been hiding for so long and just be honest.  I did not realize had found my crutch or my addiction.  They are easy to have in life. They come in all kinds of fashions.  I found my way to hide. I had been made to feel like that is the way to live.  Today is day 6 into my "saying out loud" I had a problem. I had a situation I needed to deal with.  Dealing with physical pain is one thing but when that pain infects inside, then the hurt goes deeper.  How can God heal the hurt in me though I keep thinking thru all my tears that I had been burying with various ways? I hid things so well! No one ever knew how I felt or how well I could hide my pain. Well, at least that is what I thought. Sometimes we have to go thru things in our lives though that bring us to the point where we learn to lean completely on God and to let go of our will and realize that God has better and bigger plans for us if we trust him and lean on him. Sometimes though, when we are not strong enough on our own and we have not realized how important it may be to cry out to God even daily, then it is so easy to get lost. For me, it will take me taking my life and taking steps one day at a time.  It does take a daily surrendering to God, to do what I can to not stay in pattern I have been in.  I will have to learn to focus on new ways to deal with all kinds of things. I have nothing but work ahead of me. I can do it. I had lost the dreams I once had for my life.  I lost dreams I had as a woman, a mom, and now I have to find them again. I look at things now and sometimes I am scared, almost terrified. I have no strength on my own. I think what if when all is said and done no one likes who I am now.  I cannot be the LNA I was, I cannot be that strong woman anymore. She is gone. Disabled. But that is where I have to stop thinking that way.  I can still do so much more if I allow my mind to stop thinking that way.  I have to find the strength to pull myself up from the "fall" and face the fall of pieces of my heart, my "who I am".  So today on day 6, my goal is just to take my day step by step and stop looking at what I need to do, or what I am facing and feeling overwhelmed. God, today I need you to be my peace, my strength and my whole strength.  Help me to stop looking at this journey in such a way that I am feeling fear of any kind.  Help me just to get thru today. Help me conquer this Goliath in my life in a way that I can grow and be stronger as a person and that I will learn from it. Take my hand Lord as this week truly starts my path to getting where I need to be.