Softly falling down my cheeks as I read the sweet words of encouragement from my brother and my sister. There are days that tears are all I can give. Lord, if this is something that I need to go thru so that I can help someone else than Lord give me the strength, grace, wisdom and courage to face the road ahead. This is not what I intended for my life. I had so many dreams, so many hopes. I had a voice, a voice to sing. Somewhere along the path, I lost it. I forgot how to use it, forgot that God gave me my voice. I have no idea where to go from here, but tears seem to be the only thing that come. Forgiveness. How do I forgive myself? I know God has forgiven me but I knew better, I knew the path I was going and yet, I wanted to keep hiding and just keep smiling to all and pretend I was okay, but life now forcing me to face things, and I am but it is a slow climb and it will take time....and honestly, no one knew I hurt. I told no one until now. Now, I am trying to get my story out. Share my heart. Over the next few weeks and months I am beginning a journey...call it a lifelong long changing journey. I have to dig deep into the heart I so buried when I fell and let it break, a heart no doctor could fix, only God can. I need to just take this time and let love fill that part of life again. I have to take all these tears I am crying, and just pour them over into a river that flows out so far that I can feel life again, see that life is worth living even if I am slightly disabled. As I share my journal entries each day I hope that they will make a difference to someone and my prayer is that I will find my voice....the heart behind it so that I can once again sing that melody that flowed from inside me.
Jeremiah 29:11
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